Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
