I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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