dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Everyone says I win the strip club
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
