just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
