We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
