im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
