My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I touched a dick in church today
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
