I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
