Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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