How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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