YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
