ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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