They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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