You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
