this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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