I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
