Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
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