Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
