wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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