shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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