My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
