i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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