I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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