burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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