glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
