White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
