Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
