how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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