the condom got lost in my hair
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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