dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
