I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Everything about him screamed your future.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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