Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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