Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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