i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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