i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I smell stomach acid.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I had to cum in my sink.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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