U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
