So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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