He kissed a someone with a penis
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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