Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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