so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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