your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
