I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
