He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
