There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
