I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
