she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
