Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
