he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
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