just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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