last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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