I want to stick my p in your. b.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
