Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
